Resurrecting the Farm and Ranch

[reddawnspokane]

welcome back Southernmom, i hope everything is going well.

[southernmom]

Talk about aggravation. Be forewarned, this is a vent, a complete bitch fest about someone I know. A gossipy bunch of complaints. I'm sure opinions of me will be lowered by the end of this.

I know a person who decided she wanted sheep because well, I had sheep and she is in this weird competition with me and has been for years in a way that only females can understand. (eyeroll) So being the half-way decent person I am I gave her lots of info, told her what kind of a set up she would need, and was adamant that they would need good grass/hay and make sure she had a reliable source out there since she doesn't have pasture to speak of. I mentioned it several times that since she is on a mountain, make sure she has a good source for hay. MAKE SURE because sheep are ruminants, etc etc ad nauseum. She sends me pictures of her sheep a few weeks after she got them- they are penned in a rocky-no-grass-or-shrub area and all I see available is grain. I say 'hey where's the hay or do you let them into another pasture to graze?' and her lovely response is 'they get grain in the morning, they don't graze'. Egads. So I have to YET AGAIN explain the importance of grazing for them, as they are ruminants and grazers and had to explain the process of buying hay, how much they will need, and how they have to have some dang hay for bedding in some sort of housing because it snows and freezes there! She acted put out that I dared to question her epic knowledge.

This is the person who likes to tell people she is a homesteader and 'works her land'. She loves to toss around phrases but has no humility or desire to learn. She likes the accolades when she acts like she's a freaking hard working-wash her laundry in the creek homesteader. She's not. Trust me.
Oh don't get me going on her belief that she will start farming CROPS(crops on a mountain with no equipment and no experience) when the shtf with no prior attempts. She has watched me garden for almost 20 years. She has heard me bitch and rejoice over failures and successes. I told her she just can't toss seed in the ground, that there is a learning curve. A big one and if she waits to farm til they are starving, she will starve. She thought I was being dramatic. Because my GOD if SOUTHERMOM can do it, ANYONE can! If rednecks and hicks can do it she can do it better.

Several nights later she calls me to tell me she burned down her chicken coop with a bunch of chicks inside because she left a danged lamp burning for heat in a very unsafe manner. Horrible. Then she bought more chickens from a few places, threw them in a small area together and a couple hens pecked one of the younger ones near to death. When I told her 'henpecking' was pretty normal and how to handle it, she freaked out and told me that 'she'll slaughter them all because she won't have chickens that are murderers and peckers'. I tried to explain it was what they do. She said that's not true in her experience (her vast experience of having a few chickens over the course of a couple years. Nevermind I grew up on a farm and MIGHT KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!) she also said she has a rooster she is 'putting in a cooking pot' cause it puffed up and acted well...like a rooster. I explained that's what roosters do. They puff up. She said 'she won't have it in her flock'.

I'm not making fun of a lack of knowledge at all. Please understand that. Hell, I know there are one million things I know little to nothing about, but I admit to my ignorance, I learn. I will NOT act like I have knowledge I don't. I have bugged Tex a bunch about stuff he could have made fun of me for, because they were details that I should have known based on prior experience but I was unsure, so I asked him, and ya know what- HE WAS RIGHT and I defer to his knowledge cause he has far more experience than I!

She calls me, begs for advice, and when I tell her she turns around and schools me that what I know is wrong based on her scanty empirical evidence, because it's always a danged competition. When it was her copying my every move by studying herbs to outsmart me, or going to massage school after I did, it was just annoying. Now, she is involving animals and in many cases her safety. (she told me she didn't need a well or water purifier when she moved to the mtns because she said the rocks in the stream near her property will purify the water...I asked her if she knew what may have died or pooped upstream. She didn't speak to me for awhile after that.) I told her to reconsider moving to an area where digging a well is almost $10,000. She scoffed at me. 2 years later she had to get a deep well dug and it cost over $7000. for the well alone. But I still don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Ok I'm done ranting. I guess I am a lousy friend for airing this here. But our relationship ceased being friendly a long time ago. All I am now is just a reservoir for info when she doesn't feel like opening a book. I get that. Or maybe it makes me crazy as her for interacting with someone of her caliber-but it's so sporadic that I guess I keep the conversation going for train wreck reasons. No, I don't think that's true. I want her to do better. I want her to succeed. Oh well. I think her daughter (who Tex has spoken with) will do better-she is a lot more realistic and has a boyfriend who is a little more experienced. Yet, this friend of mine consistently insults the boyfriend to me and says that he is beneath her daughter, because he is such a hick. Coming from a woman whose toilet emptied out of her rv into an open hole in the ground with no septic set up. unbelievable. (My dh refers to her place as 'shit mountain' now.)

Anyway. I can't stand people who just don't use common freaking sense. Moral of this story: if you don't know something and want to learn from someone who does-don't insult them, and put them down for being redneck, the whole while doing dumb shit.

Rant over.

[southernmom]

Oh, but for a quick update: my grandmother has completely forgotten that she and her sister kicked us out. She said we just moved out one day. And she is begging me to put in a fall garden at her house. um. no.
My brother or her sister do all the driving her around. She has taken forgetful to a whole new level. I keep my distance but I'm not cruel.
And now I have 2 kids in college-Our 18 yo is starting in the spring...thinking about Anthropology cause it's a malleable degree. Our oldest boy, 16yo, is in local FFA and forestry and looking into a degree in Environmental Science so that he can stay home and farm and work for the local Ag extension or something.

Cows are looking good cause my ma is taking care of them.

[Jstwaiting]

Nice rant. Understand where you are coming from. Just don't understand why you continue to interface with her. I had a couple of folks that were burrs under my saddle and I just quit answering their calls. Polite to them when I had to interface but then just walked away.

Stay strong !!

[southernmom]

I continue to respond to her cause I helped raise her kids and care for them. And train wreck syndrome-so really I have no right to complain, as I bring it on myself to some degree. :

[Tex]

Southernmom, I can relate to your problem whole heartedly. People like that will continue to try your patience until you finally resolve to just hand them more rope, but not information. You want to help and see them do well and you are also concerned for the welfare of their animals, but some situations are inevitable and completely unsalvageable.

I have dealt with these types before and it will eat on you until you finally say enough is enough. Another thing that is aggravating is when you try to take your knowledge to help someone and then they get another opinion from someone else and then try come back and tell you how you were wrong. There have been times when I have had an extensive knowledge of a persons area and climate as well as the person's skills and limitations and I genuinely wanted to help them get set up to succeed. Every time I would suggest something to try or stay away from, they would come back later saying "So-and-So said.....". "So-and-So may be right right, but I am telling you from my very own personal experience what worked for me", would be my response. They had so little knowledge or experience, every new person they met looked like an expert and smarter than the last.

Nobody is capable of knowing everything, but we all have the capacity to learn if we will just admit we don't know something. Some people though are just to stubborn and dumb to realize they don't actually know anything. When you realize you are dealing with one of those people, the best thing you can do is let them fail. Failure really sucks, but it is often the best teacher. If this lady doesn't want to take your advice and learn from it, STOP GIVING IT!!! Let her fail and one of two things will happen, she will either start listening and being a valuable friend, or she will not. Either way, you have done your part.

And for the record, half the time when I get a question, I defer to the Native for the correct answers. This is especially true when it comes to chickens. I just happen to be the one typing out the answers on here. She and I each have our areas where we are more knowledgeable, but it is a joint effort on our place and we are continually learning from each other. Take my new horse for instance. I will be putting a lot of rides on him and covering a lot of miles getting him used to all sorts of new and different things. Once I have pulled a lot of wet saddle blankets off of him and he has been thoroughly desensitized and has had a chance to realize we aren't going to hurt him, the Native will come in and start fine tuning his training. She will start working on his reining and foot work as well as really fine tuning the way he handles. I'm pretty good at exposing a horse to different things and getting their mind right for further training, but she is way better than me when it comes to taking them to that next level. Once she does her part, then I will continue to the next step for his roping and cow work.

Nobody knows everything. The smart person will realize this.


Tex

[Gwynmael]

Southernmom,
I don't think any less of your for your rant. Actually, I think it stepped you up a notch.

Yes, we all seem to have someone of that type in our lives at some point. I try to remember that there's usually something in there that I am supposed to learn or relearn (patience, humility, to ask for help when I need it, etc). Though sometimes it's difficult to see the forest for the trees when you're in the thick of it. Besides, it sounds like it gave you the opportunity to be (& continue to be) a blessing to her children.

Please don't hesitate to vent to us, it's part of our charm. <hugs>

[W.Lynn]

You're ok by me Southernmom.

And the RP's brother in law by the late sister in law is the male version. His behavior over the year since we lost her has been so terrible that 3 of his 4 offspring were ready to see him out of their lives permanently. The 4th is flat out stupid. Unfortunately, he broke up with his girlfriend (I think the 3rd one, in less than a year) AFTER they got the his & hers tattoos, pulled his head out to get some oxygen to his brain, and apologized so he could come back and cause more drama.

And now he has yet another fling going on, without once taking a break to grieve his wife of 30 years properly.

This, after a lifetime of trying to do anything the RP does, and always screwing up.

[DMH]

What Gwyn said! Hang in there girl!

[Red Sonja]

Nobody is capable of knowing everything, but we all have the capacity to learn if we will just admit we don't know something. Some people though are just to stubborn and dumb to realize they don't actually know anything. When you realize you are dealing with one of those people, the best thing you can do is let them fail. Failure really sucks, but it is often the best teacher. If this lady doesn't want to take your advice and learn from it, STOP GIVING IT!!! Let her fail and one of two things will happen, she will either start listening and being a valuable friend, or she will not. Either way, you have done your part. <SNIP>


Nobody knows everything. The smart person will realize this.


Tex

More wisdom like this please & thank you.

[Dode]

SM....... next time she asks for info, tell her to google it. I don't know how you put up with her. 'ShitHole Mtn'........ too funny and scary at the same time... seriously, a hole in the ground? The disease being spread by flies during the summer. And, it is close to her abode? I'd be afraid to eat a slice of watermelon outside, for fear of a 'shit fly' landing on it.

[southernmom]

Update Update Update!!!!
Looks like I am getting a farm!
This house, we found out, is being foreclosed on. We were not told about that when we rented and when we found out I read in FL law that they would have to honor our lease agreement that goes until May...that would give us time, money, etc to find a new place. I got new court papers in the mail telling me the final judgment would be Jan 27 so I called the bank, and then the civil court here-lo and behold we have to be out 24 hours after the final judgment date, which will be jan 28th. That's very soon. Panic.
So after I call dh and rant and cuss and cry and all that I post on fb asking anyone in the area who knows of rentals to let me know. A good friend from high school days msgs me immediately and says she wants to come over...so she does and sure enough she and her husband are kid free now and want to go on the road rv-ing and need someone to lease-to-own their 5 acre farm!!! Talk about a blessing! And the amazing this is is that she is adamant we are doing HER a favor cause she wanted to do the rv thing and has health issues that prevent her from taking care of the place, and feels that she wouldn't trust her farm to anyone but me (cries in a happy way)
So we will be moving at the end of january (she has to get her ducks in a row) or mid february. To a 5 acre farm with a nice house big enough for my family. I am also buying her farm animals...pigs, chickens, sheep, ducks, and all the hay and feed already there. It's a ready made farm and I will own it in time! Yes we will be doing the contract thing so no one gets screwed or anything.
SO I am back to it!!!!!!
(please don't mention it on fb if you know me on there as she wants to wait til she gets details worked out and I respect that)

[southernmom]

Congrats SM! Everything happens for a reason! I am so happy for you and I can't wait to see the pics of the place and the animals. Better get ready to start a new thread!

Thanks! I could sit here and write paragraphs about the strange timing and decisions I decided not to make at the last minute that seemed like the perfect solution...but would have totally botched this farm situation. Just strange. I truly got someone looking out for me. I feel incredibly fortunate. AND I wont have to re-buy animals, I will just be taking over what she has, which is a huge help.
I spoke with her this morning and our move in date is the last week in february so I will be putting stuff in storage and staying between my mom's and brothers homes for a few weeks. A few weeks I can handle.
Anyway, thanks for the congrats!

[Gwynmael]

What's that saying about when God closes a door, he opens a window?

Congratulations on finding your window!

[Tex]

Praise the Lord. I told you that the right place would come along. This sounds perfect for you guys.

Congratulations

Tex