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I think a conversation about several different generations living under one roof has it's place in the preparedness community.
Let's say that there is no one defining moment of it all going to hell, or a singular incident that causes societal collapse. Let's just say there is only the continual decline of our lives- prices go up, people can't afford elderly care. Or people can't afford making it on their own so grandma moves in with the youngin's or the youngin's bring the family home and everyone works together.
It's easier that way...and tougher. There are blessings-and challenges. I've found out all around.
I learn best through personal stories so that is the way I will get my point across. Our family's story isn't exactly as described above. We are fortunate that my husband's work -as feast or famine as it is-with strict budgeting is enough for us. It ain't easy, but we do it. Despite this, a year ago we made the choice to move back home to the Family Ranch-a large piece of property in central FL that has been in our family for over 100 years that has not been productive since my grandfather passed in 1998 and then my father in 2005. My grandmother is an intense, strong woman of Pioneer stock, in her 80's, but after being gone for two years I had some conversations with my mother and brother, visited and took a good look around and realized it was time to come back home.
It has not been easy.
My grandmother is a woman who would walk through fire for her family and who is mostly responsible for my outlook on life and my 'get up and don't sit down till the work is done' work ethic. That kind of strong personality coupled with aging brings clashes, a need to control everything and mood swings, all stemming from her denial of her decline. This is a woman who has been independent her whole life. She was a Rodeo Queen, a modeled and sang on the radio, and retired a very successful business woman who helped her husband run a Ranch. She was strong and could handle anything...and now she has to have her meals cooked for her, can't remember conversations, her bills confuse her and when we try to help she is suspicious.
She wants a garden but complains about using the tractor to disc up the pasture. We have to get a new pump for irrigation because she was 'fiddling' and flipped the breaker that had been taped shut and it burned up the pump. Her memory is bad and it's frustrating and we repeat ourselves continually and when it all starts to dawn on her she turns on me and decides I'm the cause of everything. I handle this all while handling the cows, sheep, chickens, kids. Thank God above my husband is so wonderful and my children so helpful.
She doesn't understand why our country isn't like it was, and why food is so expensive and fights me over budgeting. She doesn't understand why we are 'having to come home' and she tells other people that we 'can't make it'. And I have to bite my tongue because I can't tell her that we are home because she can't make it.
Now add this stress to a shtf scenario, or the more likely scenario of not affording an in home nurse in the future and the responsibility of the care of your elderly is up to you. Add this to the stress of foraging for food, or growing food, not to mention defense. I think it provides a strong argument for at least a higher level of preparedness to minimize disaster in the future.
Have we had this conversation in the prepper community?
Because if we have, I haven't found it.
Is there a prepper novel written about surviving with elderly parents in the house? Or a grandmother who can't get that the world is changing?
I'm thinking I may have to write it.
Because honestly, this could wind up being a big issue in the future and I think it's something many of us need to think about.
Is this something you may have to face? Are you prepared? Are you older and it's something your children and grandchildren may have to negotiate? Have you got a support network for that? Are there a few books in your prepper library on stress? Mental preparedness for living with an aging family? Something to think about, folks.
Forgive me for harping on the stress and negativity of living in a multigenerational home-there are benefits.
Sitting down to a Sunday dinner that I rushed home from church to cook and hearing her say 'Boy this looks good! I'm not used to being served dinner!' Even though I serve her dinner every night, yet she smiles like it's the first time I ever handed her a plate of food and she seems so pleased I can't help but smile.
Or how she sits with my year old son in her lap and keeps him happy when no one else can while I work in the garden telling him stories and singing old, old songs and he sits still and loves it. It brings tears to my eyes.
Or when we joke about what 'bad asses' we are and how people ain't got a chance around us. It's silly, but I love it. It makes it worth it.
And sometimes, when she is watering the cows in the evening and is slightly illuminated by the setting sun I sit on the porch and watch her. I see a shadow of that Rodeo Queen who won blue ribbons in parades, I see the woman who fought her mother in law to keep this land in the family, and I feel fortunate to be her caregiver. I'm proud to be her granddaughter and I vow to make every moment we have left better for her and better for me, no matter what our uncertain future holds.
And when I think of it that way, I know that in some ways, I am more than prepared. Are you?
When I was born, my grandparents lived in "the big house" and my great-grandfather had an apartment over their garage. My parents lived in my great-grandparents' former house on the same property. When my great-grandfather became ill, it was my grandparents and parents who cared for him until the end. When my grandparents, one by one, became ill, it was my parents who cared for them. Now I am home and in the "big house" and it is my parents who are living in an apartment on the same property. As my parents age, I will take care of them.
The benefits of having this time with my parents is beyond measure. I am learning so much from them. It also takes me back to my wonderful childhood, where family worked together for the benefit of the family. Just planting the potatoes together again for the first time in 30 years...or the smell of a 2 x 4 being cut by my dad's saw (one of my earliest memories in life) brought tears to my eyes. I love that smell.
I had to laugh when you wrote about biting your tongue because I can relate so much, and yet I'm finding that for the first time in my life it doesn't matter if I let my dad heavily influence the areas that are important to him. I have so much respect for my parents and their "old ways" that the good far outweighs any fleeting bad.
I know that not everyone can live and work with their family, but for those who can, the rewards to hitching your wagons together can be immeasurable.